paper chase;

paper chase;
just like yesteryear;
it was'nt any different last time;
or now;
or anything else;
my heart;
paper;
burn it;melt it;
let it bleed;
bleed for you;
i don't know anymore;
wether you're just another illusion;
like the rest;
one after another;
just breaking my paper heart;
tearing it into bits;
but i don't care anymore;
there's always glue;
but even glue can't help now;
not even time will;
only you will;
it's you.
and it's my paper heart given to you;
so whatever you do with it;
i love you.
paper chase;
it's chasing hearts now.

torn into two?

every one's asleep and I'm thinking about you.
both of you.
the times we shared.
to YOU.
i thought my love could survive all things.
i could survive you.
but then.
last Thursday,
i wasn't so sure anymore.
any longer.
my life has never been a straight path.
and it proved itself on Thursday.
or when i think about him.
him and her.
my heart just get swerved and then hit.
and then the new you.
i don't know.
I'm torn.
you seem so much better.
but thoughts are just lies really.
you're a fool for a lover.
and it shows itself again and again.
i hate myself.
HELP?

im over you.so over.

AND IT'S STARTING AGAIN.
falling.im falling so hard.falling in love with you.
i don't know.you seem so much better.
my heart knows it's going to repeat.
head over heels in love one second.
the next.
it's over.
how many heartbreaks?how many happy moments?
but you seem so much more perfect.
i don't care.
i love you so.love you so.
love you loveyou.
<33

seeing you.seeing her.

i dont know if it was you
but does it matter?
that all is lost?
you cant even look at me in the eye
because you know you did all this
our "future" crushed
torn apart
oh joy
it's over
im over
you're over

too much of you

you keep coming into me
and refusing to go out
i thought i could get over you
and everything we had
but it's been ever so hard
I'm seeing you every single moment with her
it's either you're out with her
or she's at your house
love is blind
no wonder
i don't know anymore
so many unanswered questions
a fool for a lover perhaps
i can't do this anymore

rain down on me-

i want to be running thorugh the rain
desperate to go home
and then you appear
you take me in your arms
and tell me not to worry
and then we walk together in the rain
hand and hand
laughing and talking
with raindrops falling on our heads
drenched
feet gone cold and muddy
but i know your heart never will
and then
it happens
you bend down
and kiss me
you don't care that all you're really kissing is a slippery wet skin on my face
it's the thought that counts
the love that goes between us
don't worry
I'm not asking for anything
I'm just gonna stand here
in the rain
and wait for you
I'll wait forever if i could
could you please come soon?

why do i try so hard sometimes?

i try and try
but i always fail to see you
you're smiling
at whom i really don't know
is it another girl that's pretty?
your eyes they sparkle
you move like your walking on air
so perfect
and then
i fall
i pick myself up
but fall again
why do you do have to this me?
you spoilt my dreams
my dreams drip with darkness
no more light
because of you
i am afraid
so i never try to take risks anymore
because of you i am unsure scared
you scarred me a lifetime
just because of one word
one day
though may you have her
i have no one
maybe
just maybe him
but he
does he know i exist?
does he know when i look into his eyes is like looking into a piece of heaven?
he doesn't but you do
you always had told me sweet things
like cookies with chocolate chips
i was stupid
i drank in every word
but now I'm so weary about everything
i just can't help but look away
look aways at everything that happened between us
good times
we were so perfect
but i guess you're just using me
you just wanted to make me feel loved
and then just leave me hanging
so i feel self deprived
you know what?
i did
it hurt so bad
but no I'm so scared he's gonna to do that to me
i don't dare dream
because I'm afraid it's gonna crash down into me
and leave me hanging once again
i dreamt about hm last night
but i told myself
i couldn't go on like this
because when you're hanging there
with no one at all
it feels exactly like a piece of hell
and I'm so so afraid
dreams are destroyed
hope dies
love heartbroken
what will be left of these broken remains of my soul?
it's broken badly
it doesn't want to get hurt anymore
really

if we were a movie-

If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend
You'd fall in love with
In the end we'd be laughing
Watching the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play the happy song

i wonder really
i would bet a movie would play about my life
you'll be played over and over
it'll rewind to you
and play
and rewind and play you again
because you're like a film in my head
it keeps playing you
why do you do this to me?
P.s. could we be possible?because maybe if he weren't there,you'll be the one for me

the many yesterdays that have passed us

it was just like yesterday

i thought maybe i wasn't for you

and i could forget you

but i never knew forgetting could be so hard

i thought i didn't love you

do i?

but even if i do

you lover HER

so does it matter?

it doesn't really matter does it

i'm just gonna end up alone

do i have to give you a chocolate coated candy?

or rainbow coloured lollipops?

or maybe a great truckload of never ending love before you say you love me?

you know what?

i've decided i can't go on living like this

because of you

was what i thought i lived and loved for

but now

its just me

so i'm selfish now?

or i'm not understanding?

or maybe she's your all

it's not any easier for me to erase our love

if it was real i'm not sure

but i'm sure about one thing

you'll never be in my heart

EVER again

then there's him

i don't know already

no wonder they say love's complicated

it's so clear now

i've got to stop contemplating on the past

but you know it's so hard to let go

but you can't possibly know how i feel

because you never really knew me

i was just there to be used

to be fooled

i'm might be a fool for a lover

but it's not gonna be like again

chances come

chances go

yours i'm afraid

have ran out of space

out of excuses

out of sweet words

and sugar coated peppermints

and endless rainbow skys

because now

i can look into you

and all i get back is a motionless expression

feelings fade

passion cool

we can't be so i'll get it right this time

and get you out of my nightmares

so i can have dreams

sweet ones

chain reactions-and alot more other thoughts

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,She felt it everyday.And I couldn't help her,I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
it seemed like it was just yesterday that i had known you.
and fell in love with you.
but then i told i myself i couldn't
but in the end
you stole me heart away
why did you have to do that?
i thought you were perfect
all i needed
but one day you just walked away
let me there
so maybe it seem to you that i wasn't good enough
not pretty enough
not smart enough
if you thought so before
why did you bother?
to bother writing letters to me?
making me feel like i was in love
but now i know
all i was in love with
was with an illusion
had i thought we would last?
because all you made me was letting me feel that i couldn't let you go forever
i don't know
i probably let another part of my heart break off again
and I'll give that broken part to you
i remembered that time we met
and i just walked past you like i didn't know you at all
i didn't flinch
i guess i knew you gave up
and my heart just couldn't take anymore
i remembered calling her and making friends with him
chained reactioned-
so i guess this made me stronger
i was so innocent
i thought you were true
you were real
but all you were just a poof of air
here one moment and the next
you're gone with her
i don't care who her is
but i knew the one you loved was her all along
i could tell
but i deceived myself into thinking maybe the one you loved was me
how wrong i was
I'm so glad i gotten over you
and let you go
i knew when we started out
it was gonna end somehow
it went by so fast
and it just ended
like winter snow melting
into spring
I'm gonna find someone else
who's not an illusion
or a fake
but someone who can turn my spring into summer
and autumn
and never winter
it'll be warm forever
never cold never snowing
because that's when i know it's the end
I'm not stupid
I'm just such a foolish lover
and I'm still waiting for that day
when I'll see you
I'll keep waiting
P.s. I love you
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.Be strong, be strong now.Too many, too many problems.Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.She wants to go home, but nobody's home.It's where she lies, broken inside.With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.Broken inside.

reconnection-is it even possible?

i see others around me
one by one they're getting hurt
by whom?
men
is it worth it i ask you?
are you worth it?
the tears?
the sweat?
the heartbreaks?
i see people crying
but there's the other side to it
before that they were so happy
so in love
but it was gone
just like that
why do we do this?
why oh why?
is it really needed?
why do we let our feeling and emotions control us?
and then the cycle repeats
who is really true?
true love
is there such a thing?
a happy ending
or is it just a fake
that when we grow up
we realise true love never exsisted
or a happy ending
it was just lies
and false emotions
is it what it is?
just a whole lot of mixed feelings that were never there?
never true?
is it just a sugar coated candy?
when all it is inside is bitterness?

In my field of paper flowers And candy clouds of lullaby I lie inside myself for hours And watch my purple sky fly over me

so i get it it's just a lie a big fat ugly one~

just one day more to live

if i had one day more to live
i would have spent it with you but hey we're talking about reality is'nt it?
-soak myself in the rain
-and sing too
-hand around with friends
-fly(?)
-laugh

i dont know.everything seems lifeless around me.

YOUYOUYOUYOU.
i just cant get enough of you.
its always you this you that.
yuo look in my eyes.
i stare back at you.
is the stars falling already?
so fast?
i'm gonna catch one for you.
our little secret star.
we will wish upon it.
and all our dreams will come true.
YOUYOUYOUYOU.
why do you always look this way?
you giva me this smile
and i turn away
shy
i so love it when you look at me in this way
where you seem like you're dependant on me for your survival
YOUYOUYOUYOU
why don't youo tell me all of this is true?
you love me
you want to stay with me
it was always about YOUYOUYOUYOU
P.s. i love you<3
i really really do.

starsruck-my heart's broken yet again

why do you have to do this to me?

the little things of life; its does'nt really matter does it?

i don't know anymore.
please help me someone.
anyone.
i look into your eyes.
i see this cold blank stare.
your eyes seem dead.
that's how we're gonna end up ain't it?
dead.

perfect lifestyle;and a whole lot of others-

she wants to go home,but nobody's home,it's where she lies,broken inside.
my life.
its not perfect and it never was.i always put on a cheery smile,sing a happy tune and just be so witty and funny.its like people cant understand that these sort of happy people dont have problems.because they are the ones who have the most.but then they choose to hide it.very well.im that kind of person.but damn my life is no fucking peice of perfect heaven its every bit just so NOT.why cant anybody understand that?
bacuse im too nice.
too funny.
too optimistic.
too smiley.
but behind all of that.
is just a girl.
shy,afraid.
and she's crying.
my life's seem that it's just full of endless pain,struggle and problems.
people just dont seem to get it or see it.
family,friends,more-than-just-friends.
you.
you dont understand me.
at all.
not one single fucking bit.
ive crapped enough.
goodbye-

trash love and the different wonders;

i wonder why i can't fly like a bird?
and touch the sky
and sail among the clouds
and kiss the stars
and fall in the rain
why can't i be a fairy?
and look down from heaven
and wave my magical wand on people
and flit in the flowers with my wings
why can't i be a model?
who sashays and catwalks
and have nic legs
and great hair
why can't i be whoever i want?
but end up being me
i want to swim in the ocean
and skydive
and be loved
that's what i want
to be loved
except
that never happens in my world does it?